Thursday, November 8, 2012

Dear Addie

Dear Addie,

Today is your first half kidneyversary.  It's crazy for me to think that you don't even remember this day 6 months ago because it is etched so deeply into my memory.   Even though you won't be able to actually recall the details, you will feel like you can because I am going to tell you about it all the time.  Because 6 months ago the greatest miracle of your life happened.  6 months ago hundreds, actually probably thousands, of people lifted your name up in prayer.  You were on everyone's mind and in everyone's hearts. You are so incredibly loved baby girl.  And 6 months ago, God healed you.  I will never fully understand why you had to go through everything you did and I will always wish I could make it so that you didn't.  But I also know that at 22 months old, you have more of a testimony than most adults.  And that already in your life, you have shown more bravery and inspired hope in more people and brought more tears of joy than I certainly have in all of my 30 years.  So I know that there is a purpose to your turbulent start to life.  And while I was not able to spare you from everything you had to go through, 6 months ago today I got to save you from going through it anymore. 

I am thankful that you will not remember your 10 months on dialysis.  I am thankful you won't remember the days following your surgery.  You went through more than any person should, much less a precious little baby.  I will not ever forget what all you went through but I am glad that you will.  What I want you to remember is how many people fell in love with you and adore you.  You are everyone's baby.  You went through everything you did with a beautiful smile on your face and threw out kisses to everyone who took care of you.  What you suffered through with not being healthy, we all tried to make up for in the love we all showered on you.   Lots of people fought for you- not just me and your daddy but your nana and papa, your marnie and gigi, your dr S and nurses here in Texas, Gerri and your team in Stanford.  So many people worked so hard to make this transplant happen for you because so many people love you. I asked people to send posters for you leading up to your surgery and you have 300 posters! Lots of them had multiple people in the pictures. The number of people who were praying for you was astounding.  Never forget baby girl how many people there are who care about you and love you.

Your transplant was a miracle not just because it made you healthy but because it took so many things to fall just into place for it to happen.  We faced so many obstacles and there were so many times we could have given up and so many details that could have fallen through and yet, 6 months ago it really happened! It was the greatest lesson for me in realizing I do not know what is best, even when I think I do.  I really wanted to give you my kidney in January here in Texas and I really thought at the time that it would have been best for you.  But God knew better and we waited and you got healthier and you got to be transplanted by the best team and it was so clear to us all it was the perfect time and perfect place for your miracle. 

You were so brave and so amazing.  We were so prepared for you to be so sick but you were off the breathing machine in record time and were sitting up and playing and smiling within a day.  And it's just been awesome ever since.  You have felt so great and it's been amazing to watch you feeling healthy.  You have done so many new things and seem to have this permanent smile on your face.  I know right now you do not fully understand what all has happened but it's like your body knows.  It knows that it suddenly feels good for the first time.  On some level the joy you have had these past 6 months tells us you know you were given your life back, or maybe given it fully for the first time! I hope you never lose that joy.  I hope you never forget what a precious miracle you are and just how many people love you and are there for you.

I know one day you will be a gorgeous popular precocious teenager and you will probably think it's weird that a part of your mom is inside of you but for me, it will always be the coolest thing ever.  I was so blessed that I was a match for you and that I got to go through this with you.  I will always remember the day of our surgery and I will always remember the moment when your nana and papa came and told me that you were 'flooding with pee' within minutes of recieving my kidney.  I had never felt such a strong combination of relief, pride and joy.  Being a part of your miracle was such a privilege and I love knowing that I got to give you a part of me.  Even though it involved a lot of nerves and even more pain, 6 months ago today was one of the best days of my life.

Congratulations baby girl on an amazing 6 months of life with a kidney.  We are so thankful for the greatest miracle we have ever witnessed.  I love you.  We all do.

Your Mommy

 In pre op about to go give you my kidney
 This was 24 hours after your surgery, look how brave you were sitting up with a smile!
Someday you might hate me for this naked photo but it's probably my favorite picture ever. Taken 3 months after surgery, showing off our beautiful matching scars.


Bridget said...

Favorite post ever!!! Love you sweet Addie! You are a precious gift! Love you Steph! You are an amazing Mom! Happy 6monthaversary!

Psalm68:5 said...

So awesome to read this today! Gives me hope for the future! It's amazing that Addie has done so well with her new kidney! Thank you for the wonderful reminder that God's timing is always better!

Beck said...

Amen! Xo